look no pants
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
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