I think im going to throw up on grandma
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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