On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Found your dick twin last night
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
