Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize