I swear she didn't look like that last week.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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