C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
