Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Last time i carry you out of a forest
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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