I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
