I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
