We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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