So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
