I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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