Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
