From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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