No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
