Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
