Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
