so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I'm both gender and math confused
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
