spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Just puked most of my soul out..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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