I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize