Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
