I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
