College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
someone owes me an orgasm
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
