More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
