I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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