So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he fucked my hip out of place.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
