You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
