I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Randomize
