last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Boobs are out for the taking
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
