Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
