dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
