On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
