I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
