ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
