I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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