Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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