I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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