She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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