Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize