I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
