so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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