a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
