Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
