he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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