Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
