I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize