why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
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