Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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