So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
