Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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