if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
