Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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