Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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