I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
