I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
