rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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