Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
