Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
