I cannot find my penis.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
