I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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