I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize
