I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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