omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
