I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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