it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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