she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize